Hi y’all, as some of you know just a few months ago we ended our breastfeeding journey. As much as I may have made it seem like it was easy… it WASN’T! Was it rewarding… HELL YES! I worked my butt off so for #WorldBreastfeedingWeek I thought I’d share our journey.
We made it to 20 months old (Jameson) and 21 months old (Indie) it was never easy. I knew it wouldn’t be easy as I only made it 4 months exclusively pumping for Kaley and Aria, I was young, super tired and didn’t have much help with a husband that was having to work nights so I admit I gave up on breastfeeding with Kaley and Aria. There were moments of regret but honestly my mental health needed to be first and struggling with pumping and feeding two babies that wasn’t getting full wasn’t best for either of us three.
When I found out I was pregnant again 6 years later I planned to breastfeed. I thought I was pregnant with one little babe and thought I’d be able to do it this time. It wasn’t long I had found out I was pregnant with twins yet again and I began to research. I really wanted to give breastfeeding a try and so I connected with other twin breastfeeding moms on fb, I googled and read books… everything possible. One thing I made sure to tell myself is that my mental health is WAY more important and if it doesn’t work out I WILL NOT beat myself up about it!
Fast forward to birth, Jameson and Indie’s NICU stay and surgery. My first time I got to latch Indie on, she was SUCH a natural! The LC laid her football hold on a pillow and let her work her way to me and she wasted no time finding her way to my breast and eating. I will never forget that memory and I’m so glad the LC caught it on my phone.
A few days later Jameson was well enough to try and he was the total opposite, I did find myself getting upset a little because I wanted him to be as easy as Indie. He had a bad latch, he was super lazy at the breast and just made the process harder but I wasn’t about to give up.
As they stayed in the NICU I pumped every 2 hours when I was at home and would latch them while visiting plus pump. I actually made enough for two and I was so happy. I still had to work with the LC and Jameson quiet a bit but he got strong and more willing but it felt like tiny knives stabbing me when he’d suck because of his latch. They checked him for tongue and lip ties but he had none.
Once they were home and able to tandem nurse Jameson ended up getting lazy again. With Indie being a great nurser she was able to give him plenty of let downs to fill him up enough for him to sleep again so I battled mastitis quite a bit from not being emptied completely. I ended up having to switch sides at every feeding just to help.
Well we had made it to SIX months and everything was finally getting better and easier. Then we find out Jameson needs a helmet to help correct his head shape in the back. I didn’t realize it would affect his nursing. For those of you that don’t know, the helmet can be quite bulky, sweaty and it’s suppose to be left on for 23 hours a day for weeks to months depending on how severe. He couldn’t get comfortable enough to latch and because we could no longer tandem feed he just wanted his milk. So I began pumping while breastfeeding Indie, it honestly was a nightmare.
There were so many times I wanted to give up and honestly I probably should have since it ruled my life and made me feel so awful. I got super depressed and anxious but I WANTED this, I had made it too far to stop and Indie would not take a bottle so I couldn’t just stop her. I also couldn’t bring myself to breastfeed one and formula feed another. I was so hard on myself! But we made it!!
So here we are, they’re two years old, both super healthy, happy and smart! I will say breastfeeding is AMAZING but it can also be super hard, while I agree breastfeeding has so many amazing benefits I’d be a hypocrite to not say mental health is more important! I’m a big advocate for mental health especially in Motherhood, I have no problem sharing my own struggles with PPD and PPA. Any mama that is struggling mentally and feel like they’ll be judged for stopping or not wanting to breastfeed, keep your head held high! You shouldn’t be judged, taking care of yourself is part of taking care of your kids!
If you read this far, you’re amazing 😂 thank you and Happy World Breastfeeding Week to all you Kick Ass Mommas!